Joanna Bome Kure

My dearest Zi-Zi,

You’re getting married today, and I cannot believe it. In fact, I almost cannot believe that we’re both in the twilight of our 20s. I have mixed feelings about it all. We were 10 years old just yesterday! I remember how much we wanted to grow up so we could put on bras and make-up.  Can you remember how we pretended at the back of your house, near the moss-laden walls? You were always the daddy and I the mummy, making sand swallow and red hibiscus soup in tinned tomato cans for our imaginary children.

See how we are now the parents and aunties. It hits me sometimes that we are the new adults for real when I have to exclaim, “Oh my God! You have grown so big!” How time flies. I cannot believe it has been 13 years since we graduated from secondary school. Grad day is vivid in my memory. I remember how the wax from your candle burnt my hand as you tried to light mine. Can you remember how we rehearsed Vitamin C’s Graduation (Friends Forever) at quadrangle, hoping we would not shed a tear when we sang it at the Assembly Hall? Oh, how we did cry! Our souls were stirred in ways we could not explain. Reminiscing, I realised that leaving secondary school was saying goodbye to a kind of shelteredness, a kind of innocence, and a type of blissful ignorance. The whole world changed when we left the shadow of QC’s wings.

Zi-Zi, we have had the best of times and the worst of times. I’m exceedingly glad I have always had you as a best friend to navigate life with.  I cried on the day of your first wedding dress fitting. They were tears of joy with a tinge of sadness. I am happy that you have found a man who loves you and has the uncanny ability to bring out more of your ear-to-ear smile. Yet I’m still grappling with the idea that we are both of marriageable age. It has always felt so distant, so far into the future. It sometimes felt like Jesus was going to come before we had time to be wives and mothers. But seeing you in that off-white ball gown, it dawned on me for the first time that the future wasn’t so distant anymore.  Now that it has dawned on me, I realise that so many of our peers are not only wives but are also mothers. Many of them are exchanging notes over the best brands for baby care. Our peers now have podcasts and vlogs on marriage and parenting. “A day in the life of a married woman.” Ha! Where did all the time go?

Now, I find myself oscillating between wanting to stick to the course we had initially set for ourselves and settling down. Ah! How the idea of settling down unsettles me. I had always thought we would go on and on viva la vida, forever young, never changing, never bending, and never playing by the rules. I am now that lady all the older aunties are telling to get married before 30! Thirty? Three decades on God’s green earth, but I have only just gotten the hang of being an adult.

I am telling you these things because seeing you in a wedding dress triggered them. Yet that’s not to say I am not joyful about your milestone. It is funny how you are marrying a man from the northernmost part of the country. Absolutely nothing like we had imagined! I remember you doing FLAMES with the names of Bosun, Tochukwu and Nnanna. According to the game, Bosun was your admirer, Tochukwu was your lover, and you were going to get married to Nnanna. Where are those boys now? Remember how we would pluck the flame of the forest leaves saying, “he loves me, he loves me not,” until we got to the last leaf clearly telling us what we wanted to hear? I wish we could skip right now to sing:

When will you marry?

This year, next year,

Some time or never

Well, today is your day – your wedding day! I see how much this is the happiest day of your life. How lucky N is to have you as a wife. In you, he has found a friend so loyal, brave and true. And I am glad that he is a man who has shown love and care for you. May your love be blessed. Whether I join you in ‘settling down’ or remain single, I’m committed to our ever-evolving friendship. I love you, my dearest Zi, and I pray that you and your home blossom forever.

With love,

B.