Dear IV,
How are you? Were you able to make the job applications as you said you would? If you did, I hope you get in so that you can leave that shitty job and all those rude ogling men in your office. I almost find it hard to believe that your colleague had to endure all that nonsense. You’d think that with the way your office had been all over the internet this March for Women’s Month, they would actually care about the women in their workplace. Tsk, Tsk!
I’ve been okay. My results were released last week, and I’m finishing with a distinction. I’m so proud of myself right now. Treated myself to some ice cream cake to celebrate. God only knows how much this Master’s of a thing took a toll on me, especially with work and just having to survive being grown. Sometimes I wonder if things would be much better if I were an adult butterfly. But I think this is me being despondent.
The other day, on the bus back home after work, I overheard two men talking about a particular woman who happens to be a lawyer. This lady is as badass as it gets; she knows her onions and all, gives cowardly men the shivers. One of them said this woman in question was still single in her fifties because all the books she had read had gotten into her head. He claimed that a male lawyer had told him on authority that female lawyers were barely married because they did not know how to submit to any man, “And what man would want that?” the other man asked.
I do not know whether this cautionary tale was directed towards me, seeing that I, as a single lawyer, was seated beside them. If they wanted me to join issues with them, I’m glad I did not give them the benefit of thinking they could humiliate me. IV, I have started experiencing some things that I never imagined I would experience because I did not think it was ever that deep. It is funny how, in 2006, when we were filling in the year of graduation on our school ID at QC, my classmates and I expected the world to have ended by 2011. And to think that at the time, much of our worries were about being taken to work for seniors in their dorms. However, no one really expects to be subjected to the scrutiny of our well-meaning society.
The other day, another man at the office, far ahead of me in rank, called me with urgency. I thought I heard in his voice that the Nigerian government would crumble if I did not follow him immediately to his office. In the hallway, just five more steps to the door of his office, he says to me, “Let me see your fingers.” Innocently, I presented my perfectly manicured fingers like I was on the assembly line of Broadway Junior School, somehow expecting a nod of approval (don’t ask me why). What I heard next is stranger than fiction: “Oh, I thought you wore a ring on this finger, are you married?” “No, sir,” I replied. Ashamed, not of my singleness, but at the ridicule. “Please don’t wear any ring on this finger,” he said. “Don’t spoil your chances.” Until then, I was unaware that wearing a ring on the finger before the pinkie of my right hand was a hindrance to being found by a husband. As if men and women who wore rings on their ring fingers didn’t get hit on.
I wish everyone were on the same page with Jesus Christ and Saint Paul. For that to happen, though, it would mean we are in Heaven, and thankfully, the only marriage that would matter is the marriage to Jesus. Remember this song, “I am married to Jesus, Satan leave me alone?” I don’t know why I suddenly feel the need to hold some tambourines and cast and bind the shackles of societal expectations with clapping, rhythmic dances and chants. Ha! I think after writing this, I’d channel my inner Cele (don’t shake your head at me).
Declare with me, IV, I am created in the image of God, and I rest in His will. Remind yourself, as I promise to remind myself whenever these microaggressions resurface. Declare with me, I am created in the image of God, and I rest in His will when adulting seems to want to snuff the life out of me.
This letter writing has been as therapeutic as we had hoped. I reckon we might be the only ones keeping Nipost active these days. Haha. I’m considering visiting Lagos in July, but let’s see how it goes.
Take care of yourself, love. Looking forward to your reply.
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